with broken eyes

(with broken eyes i awoke)

the dawn was a jagged line of blue,
with an eager heart i went to prepare,
to dress in a skin of scholar
new and untouched.

as i stepped in, a gust of wind hit my face,
a rush of scent, of movement.

(the air hangs heavy, thick and solemn,
these new, unproven choices - i condemn).

the freshness of trees - the green breath of a legacy,
and the wide canopy easing my heart.

(the scent of cement made my nerves tight,
i felt a fierce urge to get out of this plight).

rubbing my legs in the sand,
i stepped into the line, smiling harder, quietly admiring all of it.

(the pressure tightened my chest, i pushed the faces out of sight,
keeping me, from myself, out of a fight).

i went in, (i accepted).
i enjoyed, (i feared).

i walked the aisle - quiet discipline of space
the order hums through the glazed wood,
speaks in polished floors and shouts through the light.

(i shrank in my own skin
stood aside in the borrowed light -
a mere shadow
beside the brighter sight).

a standout caught me in the room;
among the triumphs, introduced me as absence.
restlessness held my wrists
yet i let it stay.

(loving the silence, accepting the misery,
i turned my heart towards the glory).

going back to her - in small font.
sharing her happiness,
climbing out of the depths,
i rejected the daunting gaze.

(accepting the scars.
joy lies in the misery -
behold, an elegant fallacy).